It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. I’m dealing with some pretty major blogging fatigue – I either don’t have the time, or else when I do, there are other things I’d rather be doing. My reading hasn’t suffered – I’m reading more than ever. I simply have no desire to write reviews on the books I’m reading. Which is bad, since I’ve still got a few review copies on my shelf. I have no idea if this is a permanent state of mind, or if it is temporary – but I am thinking it’s not going to pass. I’ve been here before, and while each time I’ve found renewed desire to blog, it has been in a more reduced state. Now I’m finding I don’t even have the desire to write my Sunday Salon posts, which are usually my favorite posts to write.
I’m not saying any of this to elicit sympathy or people telling me they enjoy my blog. I know that my blog gives me as much as I give to it – and I have so appreciated all of you who are still reading after all these years. But it just doesn’t hold the joy for me that it once did. I’m not sure what that means, or what the blog will look like in the months to come. If I decide to stop altogether, I will definitely let you all know.
I have made a few decisions of how things will go from this point forward:
First, no more accepting review copies. I want to read what I want to read, when I want to read it, and I only want to talk or write about it at my own pleasure.
I will, however, review the remaining review copies I have on my shelf – at least the ones that were solicited review copies. I don’t feel right simply abandoning those commitments, and so will follow through.
I may or may not post Sunday Salon posts. I guess this depends on my mood each week.
I may or may not continue to read your posts. This may sound harsh, but please know that it is a “it’s me, not you” type of thing. I’m dealing with some stuff in my own life – change of life issues. I’m not simply talking about hormones, although that is a factor, but also the fact that Natalie is a senior this year and is taking college classes; Noah is about to get his driver’s license; etc. I’m realizing that my time with them is winding down. Also, living with my parents – while a blessing and something I am so very grateful for – isn’t always easy. Any time you put two families together under one roof, there are adjustments to be made. Financially, we are still in a very reduced situation, and so it doesn’t look like that is going to change any time soon. All of that adds up to a woman who needs to take some time to care for herself emotionally and physically (I need to get back on track with my attempts to lose weight), and I only have so much energy. While I love catching up with each of you every week, sometimes reading people’s posts can bring about the worst in me. It’s not something I’m proud of, but envy rears its ugly head from time to time. I am trying to learn to be grateful for what we do have, but it gets extremely exhausting always telling the kids, “No, we can’t go see that movie – I can’t afford to take you.” Or, “No, I can’t get you this or that fun thing because we need the money for groceries or fall clothes.” Again, I’m not saying this to gain sympathy – just trying to be honest about the place we are at. And so when I read posts about vacations and dinners out and weekends away with husbands – I admit it, I get jealous. It’s a character quality in me that makes me feel ashamed, and so I’m thinking maybe focusing on being grateful for my own life, and the blessings I have (a lovely house to live in, healthy kids who are growing into wonderful adults, a husband who loves me, etc.) is the best thing I can do for my emotional life right now. So, reading blogs may be a thing of the past for me – at least for a while.
Things I haven’t decided about yet:
The “I’ve Always Meant to Read That Book!” Challenge – While I plan to continue reading the selected books (Frankenstein for October; A Passage to India for November; Catcher in the Rye for December), I’m not sure if I will review them or post discussion posts. While I had many people vote on the selections for each month’s read-aloud, I’ve had very few people actually read along or contribute to the discussions. I did finish Watership Down this week – did anyone else read it, too? Is anyone dying to have a discussion about it? If so, I will put something up on the 30th; if not, I’m probably going to pass.
The future of blogging for me. I’m definitely not going to shut the blog down – it will always be here, and so coming back to it will always remain a possibility. But right now I’m leaning toward simply finishing out my few review commitments, and then giving it up for a time. I think I might do a written book journal to track my reading, and I will continue to use Goodreads to manage my to-read list and track my reading each year.
So, there you have it. Not quite my typical Sunday Salon post, but these are the things that have been rattling around in my brain for the past few weeks. I know many of you can relate – and have found ways to make blogging work for you. I’m not sure yet if I know a way to go forward, but we shall see.